I have been blessed, and I have been cursed. Life is a double edged sword. In my life I have had the amazing experience of a strong, loyal and fiercely connected family. It has been a blessing unlike anything I could ever put into words. But it’s also a curse to love so many people.
My anger quelled today. I realized a number of things that were flawed in my thought process about my aunt dying at the hands of the pandemic. The magic that I believed in was tested and I feel like I partially failed at that test. Here’s what I learned. Anger is Part of the Normal
People are sick. People are dying. My family barely braced for the loss of my aunt Joanne, before she was gone faster than a speeding train. I am feeling the pain, agony and desperation of loss in the air and it’s suffocating me. I feel like each death is leaving its mark on me. Death
Where do the Strong People Go to Fall Apart? Where do I lean when my whole entire life is ripping at the seams? Where do I cry? How do I cry? How do I feel joy? Where is the joy in the world when everyone leans on you? I’m falling down, but no one sees
Some part of me is losing control. The balance is off so badly that I don’t know what to feel. I feel insecurity. I feel distant. I feel messy. I feel chaotic. Why? This is so out of left field, it’s so frustrating! I know bipolar is not curable. I know I have to learn
Today is a holiday I used to believe to be a waste of time. I used to say selfish things like: What do I have to be thankful for living with bipolar disorder? Or Should I be thankful I didn’t commit suicide this year? It used to be an unhealthy day for me, one where
Suicide is not selfish. Suicide is deep and inescapable pain that could only be ended when life is over. September 10th is World Suicide Prevention Day, educate yourself on suicide and save a life.