Category: heartache & loss

Heart to Heart

I have been blessed, and I have been cursed. Life is a double edged sword. In my life I have had the amazing experience of a strong, loyal and fiercely connected family. It has been a blessing unlike anything I could ever put into words. But it’s also a curse to love so many people.

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Deafening Defeat…

My anger quelled today. I realized a number of things that were flawed in my thought process about my aunt dying at the hands of the pandemic. The magic that I believed in was tested and I feel like I partially failed at that test. Here’s what I learned. Anger is Part of the Normal

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Strength is a Curse

Where do the Strong People Go to Fall Apart? Where do I lean when my whole entire life is ripping at the seams? Where do I cry? How do I cry? How do I feel joy? Where is the joy in the world when everyone leans on you? I’m falling down, but no one sees

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I’m Thankful for…

Today is a holiday I used to believe to be a waste of time. I used to say selfish things like: What do I have to be thankful for living with bipolar disorder? Or Should I be thankful I didn’t commit suicide this year? It used to be an unhealthy day for me, one where

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Been Dealing with My Sh*t ….

I took a pause from blogging to handle some of my own shit. I was blogging, but I didn’t post them. I have such an intense collection of unposted blogs that I might start selling them. The reason for this is because if you really want to understand living with bipolar disorder, unmedicated, I write

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My Real Life …. Huge Joke

I’m home. I missed being home because of the familiar faces and my children. But I am miserable. I don’t know why, I can’t explain it, I wish I could understand how I am capable of being my truest self in Bali, then coming home and forgetting who I am. I was so Happy and

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It Hurts So Good …

Today, I had a hunch. Something has been off lately with my ex. In fact I kept avoiding the inevitable because I thought I would be devastated if I knew the truth. It felt like my intuition was trying to tell me something. It was a question I knew the answer to but I didn’t

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Loved & Loving

Today, I did a reiki session. I have to say, reiki is a new favorite for me because it truly opened my eyes. Let me tell you what happened. At first I was kissing a man. I didn’t understand who he was, why he was there or whether I knew him or not. He was

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I Guess It’s Time… Letting Go.

Maybe it’s just me, but letting go has never been easy for me. In fact I feel abandoned, rejected and deep emotional pain when someone says to me, “you have to let go.” I feel like the option is worse than the thought of dying, but perhaps that why it is necessary. Some of my

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