The “Why” Left Me Awake at Night

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The only words that are going through my head is “why?”

Three letters and a world of uncertainty behind what they might mean for me, what the answer might be.

Will I be ready to hear the answer?

… I am sure you are wondering why I am asking why?  Or maybe you think I am losing it and my journey is too dramatic for you? I am too negative? Too much for you?

Well this might not surprise you but why do you think I don’t want to burden anyone anymore? Because of this ……

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I ask myself, my few friends I know still care, and my family why am I like this?  Why do I have to live like this?  Why can’t I be surface-level normal like everyone else, even with medication?

Why …..

I don’t know that I want to know the answer. Perhaps the answer may be exactly the damage I will not be brave enough to survive.  So I will live with the Why’s until I am strong enough, brave enough, to hear the reason and believe it.

Hopefully the answer to Why will not matter anymore by then.

 

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